my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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