She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
