I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
