You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
