So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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