I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
