Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
