yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
