So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
