No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
