I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize