hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
