I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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