im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
