U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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