I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
