so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
