Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
