How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
time to smoke my breakfast
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
