last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
