after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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