dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
