32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
