i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
