Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
