it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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