I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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