what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
