i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
