I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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