so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
