she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry my hands just texted you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
