i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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