remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even my vagina gasped.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
