Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
