i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
