it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I just sharted jello shots
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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