We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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