so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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