you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
