worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
