Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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