I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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