listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
