Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
