im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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