I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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