Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
