Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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