Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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