He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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