Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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