obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
