Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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