tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
