so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She told me I should be a condom model.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
