exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
