I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
