Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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